Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
