The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
