Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
