i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
