i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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