It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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