Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
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drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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