We're facebook friends in real life
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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