youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room