Texts From Last Night

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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.

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  (803): I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer. http://tfl.nu/7z73
  Replies (2) Good night (514) Bad night (883) Order T-Shirt
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  (713): View more from Texas

  I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.

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  (713): I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't. http://tfl.nu/hscn
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  (772): View more from Florida

  i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"

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  (772): i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?" http://tfl.nu/6u9j
  Replies (20) Good night (812) Bad night (3685) Order T-Shirt
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.

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  (734): I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me. http://tfl.nu/tn93
  Replies (29) Good night (4620) Bad night (677) Order T-Shirt
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  (415): View more from California

  Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.

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  (415): Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on. http://tfl.nu/yhjx
  Replies (5) Good night (465) Bad night (3686) Order T-Shirt
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do

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  (920): Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do http://tfl.nu/w5tc
  Replies (12) Good night (489) Bad night (5771) Order T-Shirt
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables

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  (301): I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables http://tfl.nu/82j1
  Replies (3) Good night (848) Bad night (2333) Order T-Shirt
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.

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  (256): I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you. http://tfl.nu/8mod
  Replies (12) Good night (3612) Bad night (1021) Order T-Shirt
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  (805): View more from California

  I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard

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  (805): I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard http://tfl.nu/np0a
  Replies (5) Good night (884) Bad night (1819) Order T-Shirt
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar

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  (330): I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar http://tfl.nu/rbaw
  Replies (9) Good night (2530) Bad night (688)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n

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  (330): I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n http://tfl.nu/g66p
  Replies (1) Good night (714) Bad night (939) Order T-Shirt
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified

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  (603): More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified http://tfl.nu/si7g
  Replies (5) Good night (1436) Bad night (509) Order T-Shirt
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  (406): View more from Montana

  just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution

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  (406): just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution http://tfl.nu/z6cd
  Replies (10) Good night (1089) Bad night (738) Order T-Shirt
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.

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  (770): You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point. http://tfl.nu/sxoa
  Replies (8) Good night (330) Bad night (887) Order T-Shirt
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke

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  (416): Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke http://tfl.nu/mtw8
  Replies (1) Good night (352) Bad night (1076) Order T-Shirt

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