Texts From Last Night

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  (626): View more from California

  Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.

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  (626): Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome. http://tfl.nu/kgjr
  Replies (16) Good night (4358) Bad night (711)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.

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  (702): the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral. http://tfl.nu/20j6
  Replies (7) Good night (734) Bad night (6570)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.

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  (740): Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level. http://tfl.nu/r4mw
  Replies (21) Good night (4418) Bad night (749)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started

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  (812): Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started http://tfl.nu/zumk
  Replies (54) Good night (7069) Bad night (2099)
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  (+41): View more from Switzerland

  I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples

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  (+41): I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples http://tfl.nu/80un
  Replies (16) Good night (1063) Bad night (5097)
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  (510): View more from California

  Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.

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  (510): Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day. http://tfl.nu/kbev
  Replies (7) Good night (1403) Bad night (2631)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime

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  (406): just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime http://tfl.nu/zrav
  Replies (6) Good night (2756) Bad night (771)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.

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  (813): I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked. http://tfl.nu/aika
  Replies (14) Good night (854) Bad night (3895)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  I want her autograph on my taint

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  (573): I want her autograph on my taint http://tfl.nu/g43m
  Replies (3) Good night (1206) Bad night (1089)
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  (845): View more from New York

  Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self

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  (845): Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self http://tfl.nu/ea7y
  Replies (2) Good night (680) Bad night (1309)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?

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  (802): So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going? http://tfl.nu/1d2j
  Replies (8) Good night (1870) Bad night (890)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.

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  (302): You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English. http://tfl.nu/fod6
  Replies (5) Good night (657) Bad night (1623)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.

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  (419): By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame. http://tfl.nu/xvaq
  Replies (10) Good night (983) Bad night (421)
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  (818): View more from California

  Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."

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  (818): Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy." http://tfl.nu/kcv8
  Replies (2) Good night (1052) Bad night (402)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.

  (647): View more from Ontario

  Hey, I'm your guy

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  (613): I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this. (647): Hey, I'm your guy http://tfl.nu/p6u8
  Replies (2) Good night (1062) Bad night (298)

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