Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
