I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.