I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.