Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
