Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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