So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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