Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Randomize
