well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
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Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
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It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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