No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just threw up on my dentist
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
