It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
