im drinking this country out of the recession.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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