Barsexuality is the new black.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
