Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
