Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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