Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
