You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
