Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
