If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
