you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
