i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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