thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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