there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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