This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Randomize
