I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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