I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
