I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
