So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
