Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
