Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
