I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
We are two peas in an std pod
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
