I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
