I'm going to jail i love you
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
