I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize