It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
