Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
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