Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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