He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
