Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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