I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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