I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
