I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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