i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
