Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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