how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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