I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
