your thong is hanging out like whoa
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
