I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
