were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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