I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
