planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
