Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
