i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
