Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
