i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
