it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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