Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
