Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
