I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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