meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
