dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
