yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
