Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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