Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
