Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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