I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
