dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
