Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
